TRBC Youth Blog

I'm not exactly on the verge of giving up on this whole idea of praying everyday for the camp till the camp comes around, but I have to say that trying to do it everyday is exhausting on a level which I can't really explain - I mean, we all have things which we do everyday, our little rituals, but fitting this particular ritual into my schedule doesn't ever seem to work, and it's quite demoralising. It's been three days since I last prayed for anything to do with the camp, mainly because my waking hours are just filled with anxiety over the amount of readings and papers I have to write - no longer the overnighters expected of undergraduates, but the thoughtful musings of (what is supposed to be) an intelligent life-form. Rather unfortunately, that means a lot more work than what I am used to...

I guess you can classify this under "excuses", but I also am of the strong conviction that it is a sort of spiritual burden that prayer co-ordinators have to bear. I caught myself wondering in disgust the other night: what made me agree to this hare-brained scheme anyway?! I'm not one of the greatest prayer people in the world; seriously, place me with other people who are more prayer-minded than me and there is no comparison - I'll walk out of the contest myself.

But this isn't about contests, is it? Each person's comfort zone level is different. Me, I prefer to be pushed a little, because I believe (sigh) that adversity breeds character. I wouldn't go so far as to say this demoralisation is "suffering", but I think Romans 5 pretty much describes my attitude towards some things in life in general:

Romans 5:3-5
Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

So I will press on, and if I miss a couple of days here and there, I'm going to try not to be derailed from the general purpose of the appointment, which is to pray: dust yourself off and try again, sang Aliyah, no?

Father,
Own me - take all that I am
Heal me - by the blood of the Lamb
Mould me - by Your gracious Hand
Own me.
Amen.